16 Things You’ll Notice When You’re In The Presence Of An Empath

You meet a stranger in a grocery store and they suddenly pour their heart out to you and tell you their life story.  You find yourself feeling some sort of connection with this person because you can really relate to them. You can’t help but experience their feelings right along with them.

If you’ve met a person or already have a friend like this, they could likely be an empath.

An empath hones a magnetism that instantly draws people toward them. It’s not just that they are sympathetic–it’s more than that. They have the ability to connect with another’s feelings and pains, and they also deeply experience it.

1. They are often described as “too sensitive.”

We often hear other people talk about how someone is too sensitive as if it is a negative attribute. But we forget that being sensitive implies a feeling of connectivity to another person’s experience; a connection between hearts. When we talk to someone who is sensitive, who knows and feels our situation, we feel lighter. So, it is not something to devalue. In fact, in our present time, we rarely meet these kinds of people, and if you do ever get the chance to know one, treasure them; they are a gift.

2. They hate being lied to.

You cannot lie to an empath, and if you do, they can tell when you are. An empath’s understanding nature gives them the ability to see and feel more than what people say. They are transparently honest, and can’t stand it when people lie to them. To them, there is no point in hiding the truth.

3. Negative images have a deep negative impact on them.

Some people can tolerate watching violent or terrifying movies, but empaths cannot. They would rather avoid seeing terrible scenes and knowing about sad stories as these have a direct impact on their deep seated feelings.

4. Crowds are overwhelming to them.

Empaths are often both introverts and extroverts, but they cannot last long in a crowd because of the large amount of different emotions of people all in one place. Empaths take this all in which is exhausting to them.

5. They find peace and happiness in helping others.

If you have that one friend who is always there when you need them the most, then you are a blessed person. Empaths love to help people and it gives them a sense of peace and happiness when they do something for another human being. When empaths help, they do not expect anything in return.

6. They think twice before pouring another cup of coffee or taking medicine.

Empaths have a strong reaction to stimulants like caffeine, which tends to increase anxiety and agitation. Similarly, empaths will often react adversely to medications, and thus, avoid using synthetic solutions.

7. They are true to themselves.

Empaths show who they really are and do not put on any masks. Because of their deep understanding of the nature of people, they have seen that all people are inherently good. Their honesty causes them to be very accepting of other people’s faults. Everyone is a work in progress.

8. They experience what others are going through with them.

Empaths are very connected to those who they care about and open up with. When you tell an empath what you are going through, they also feel what you feel. They have a direct sense of feeling with you, and can understand your experience deeper than other friends would. They experience it with you.

9. They have an incredible bond with animals.

There is no such thing as pets to empaths, because to them, pets are family. To the empath, animals are living creatures with feelings, not meant to be owned or kept in zoos, and deserve the right to live free and happy lives just like everyone else.

10. Being emotionally and physically exhausted is a common occurrence for them.

Listening to one person’s problems can take its toll on you, especially when the person is going through something really heavy. Imagine having to go through this all day with several other people. Because empaths are very sensitive to the emotions experienced by others, it makes them emotionally and physically vulnerable and often exhausted.

11. Giving good advice is their natural talent.

Empaths know how to listen, and they listen to every word you say. They put themselves in your shoes. They truly want to see you succeed and their advice is coming from this space in the heart. Their advice comes from understanding your situation, and is usually worth listening to.

12. They are easily distracted.

They get distracted easily because they see every beautiful detail of every day. The kind of details we usually take for granted, the ‘little things’.

Empaths are not only sensitive to your feelings, but they are also sensitive to their surroundings. They are observant to everything taking place around them, and love to be in nature.

13. They have no room in their lives for narcissists

An empath can be emotionally drained quickly by a narcissist, so they avoid them at all costs. Yet their openness and vulnerability often draws narcissists to them.

Sometimes relationships develop between the two, but they are deeply unhealthy for both, as it is similar to a predator and prey type of relationship.

14. They are hyper sensitive to sound.

An empath’s sensitivity to sound can help them to pickup on unnoticed frequencies and noises, but they are also sensitive to loud noises and this can bring them stress.
They avoid loud and unpleasant settings, yet pleasant sounds such as birds chirping and peaceful music help them to maintain their gentle and loving energy.

15. They are an above-average listener

Some people while listening are spending most of their energy planning what they are going to say in response. This can disrupt their understanding of what the other is saying, because they hadn’t given full attention to listening.

But with an empath, you get your point across easily because they know how to hear you. You feel very comfortable talking with them as they know how to handle a conversation; by truly listening and understanding without judgment.

16. They have a strange effect on electronics.

Hard to believe, but many empaths experience their electronics malfunctioning higher than normal. When they use a computer or a phone, they often have glitches or bugs, or lights become too bright or go out.

If you know someone who has all of these qualities, then consider yourself blessed.

Empaths are a gift to the world, and their sensitive natures should be treasured. Their purity makes them who they are.

7 Houseplants That Improve Indoor Air Quality

Depending on where you live, you may not get outside very much for fresh air and even if you can, the air outside isn’t exactly fresh. City dwellers tend to have more issues with breathing and lung function due to the constant exposure to pollution. Instead of buying expensive machines to clean the air (beyond normal air filters for your heating and air conditioning), consider adding some air cleaning houseplants instead!
If you enjoy having houseplants, chances are pretty good that you have at least one of the air-cleaning plants listed below.
Most people never really think about all the stuff that floats around in the air and eventually goes into our lungs. Air conditioners and filters are expensive and can only do so much before they are clogged and need replacing. The same rings true for air purifiers: the units are expensive to buy in the first place and then you are looking at years of maintenance and buying replacement filters several times a year. The cost is even higher when you are using HEPA filters!
Air quality is a growing concern and has been studied by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) to learn ways they can keep the air clean. You can read about their findings by going here.
There are numerous plants that are commonly found in homes around the country and even the world that not only look nice, they are hardy and will also clean the air you breathe. Here are five very common and easy to take care of plants that will help remove pollution from the air in your home.

• Spider plant – If you have ever grown a houseplant, chances are pretty good it was a spider plant. These long leafed plants are especially easy to grow and can take a beating. They are shown to remove formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene from the air. These plants are hardy – I have brought one back from the dead before. There were no leaves left alive but I could see some roots that were still viable and after adding water only twice, it came back to life. The spider plant’s scientific name is Chlorophytum comosum. Also called the airplane plant.

• Sword Fern  – Also called the Boston Fern, Nephrolepis exaltata, is a full bodied plant that removes formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene from the air. Its bright green color will not only perk up any area, it can survive through frosts and return the next year. Since it will be inside to help clean the air, this plant will do its job year round. They work very well in hanging baskets.

• Peace Lily – A gorgeous flour, the Peace Lily (part of the Spathiphyllum species) has large and broad leaves. This plant will remove not only formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene, it also removes trichloroethylene, ammonia, and benzene from the air you breathe. It is an air cleaning powerhouse! The flowers are gorgeous and will serve to look good as well as purifying.

• English Ivy – Hedera helix is a plant you have likely seen a lot in your life due to its popularity and easy care maintenance, not to mention the staggering rate of growth. These plants climb and grow fast! Some people might consider them nothing more than an invasive plant or weed – largely because you most often see this plant climbing the walls or up the trellis on abandoned homes and buildings. The fact that it cleans out formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene, trichloroethylene, and benzene is reason enough to bring these lovely, large leafed plants inside.

• Bamboo – Bamboo palms are part of the Chamaedorea family that have 107 different species. These plants are fantastic for your home and work area, take up little space, and can live through drier than usual conditions (like when you forget to water). These plants remove formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene from the air.

• Aloe Vera – A well documented beneficial plant to have around, Aloe Vera (Aloe barbadensis) removes formaldehyde and benzene from the air. It requires little water and prefers a lot of sunshine but can do well in artificial light, too. Of course, aloe also has the added benefit of being excellent treatment for burns, scrapes, and abrasions.

• BONUS: Ficus Tree – Prefer to have a nice little tree? Ficus benjamina, otherwise known as the Weeping Ficus or just ficus, are great little flowering trees that also help clean the air you breathe. It will remove formaldehyde, xylene, and toluene. These mini trees take up little space, will thrive without natural light, and can take being drier than usual for those forgetful waterers. It has the potential for getting rather large (as far as mini trees go) but they are easily clipped back to fit where you need them to.

Safety Considerations

Before you decide which plants you like and rush out to buy some, there are some things you need to consider about your home. Certain plants can cause allergic reactions while others are not good for homes with pets. Cats, in particular, are known for nibbling on leaves and won’t know that the plant they are eating is poisonous to them. The same is true for dogs though there tend to be less cases of poisoning by plant with them versus cats.

If you have birds that you allow to be out of the cage, make sure that the plants they may land on (or nibble on) are safe for them, too!

Other considerations would include your climate, temperature preferences in your home, and sun exposure. Certain plants require direct sunlight for so many hours a day while others prefer the shade. You wouldn’t want to bring a cool weather loving plant in your home if you keep the temperature around 80 degrees (F).

It has been well documented that having house plants can boost your mood, clean the air, and make your home more welcoming. Especially when it is cold outside, house plants remind us that even though it may be freezing outside, it will pass and things will turn green once again!

17 Critical Survival Items You Gotta Store For A Crisis

OFF THE GRID

Written by: Rich M Extreme Survival 

While stockpiling food is an important part of preparing to face a disaster, your stockpiling shouldn’t be limited to just food. Experience has shown that in the face of a major disaster, much more than the food supply line is severed.
If we look at Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Sandy, we find that pretty much all of the infrastructure goes down in the face of a major disaster. The people living in those areas were without electricity, fresh water, sewage service, communications, police protection and much more. In a sense, it was if they were isolated from the rest of the world. Many things that we depend upon daily were lost to them.
Those things didn’t come back quickly, either. Probably the first part of the infrastructure to return was electric service. Power companies from other parts of the country sent in emergency crews to help with restoring power to the people affected by the storms. Even so, most of the people didn’t have electrical service for more than two weeks. The other services couldn’t begin to be restored until then, because everything depends upon electrical power.
Remember, those were regional events. Should we have the misfortune of being struck by a nationwide event, it would take much longer to restore electrical service; which means everything else as well. It has been speculated that in the case of an EMP attack, electrical service will take eight months to restore.
Just like with your food, you want to have enough other supplies to get your family through the crisis, should a major disaster eliminate the infrastructure we depend upon. Essentially, your food supplies and your other supplies should parallel. In other words, if you have a year of food supplies, you should have a year’s worth of as many other supplies as you can. For some types of supplies, that may be extremely difficult to manage.

The other option, instead of having a year’s worth of supplies, is to have an alternate plan. Let’s take electrical power for example. It would be cost prohibitive to have enough battery backup power to last a year. Likewise, trying to store enough gasoline to run a generator for a year would be impossible. Gasoline doesn’t store well over long periods of time. So, instead of having enough batteries or gasoline, you need a plan to get by without electrical power or with the power that you can produce with your solar and wind power generators.
Determining everything you could possibly need to survive a disaster is a monumental task. No matter how hard you try, there are things you are going to miss. Nevertheless, the more you manage to prepare, the easier it will be for your family, when that time comes.
1. Fuel – Gas pumps don’t work without electricity, so having some extra fuel on hand is a great idea. Not only will you need it for your car, but for your lawnmower and tiller, as well. While you can’t store gasoline for long periods of time, you can store some by rotating your stock.
2. Heating fuel – In addition to fuel for the car, you’ll need fuel to heat your home, especially if you live in a colder climate. There are many ways that a home can be heated, such as by using a fireplace or a kerosene heater. Whatever method you choose, make sure you put in a good supply of fuel for it.
3. Cooking – Your gas or electric stove probably won’t work when the power is out, unless you have a propane stove. You’ll need an alternate way for cooking, as well as fuel for it. That means both something to cook on and the fuel to run it. Gas-powered camp stoves (not the kind that use little propane tanks) are great for this; so is a barbecue grille. The fuel for cooking might be the same fuel you are using for heating your home, but if not, be sure to have an ample supply.
4. Means of producing electricity – Our lives depend so much on electrical power that you’ll need some way of producing at least some. While you probably won’t be able to produce as much as you currently use, you can produce enough for your “critical systems.”
5. Batteries – We use many devices that run off of batteries. Fortunately, one of the major battery manufacturers is now producing standard size batteries with a shelf life of 10 years.
6. Water – You can count on needing a minimum of one gallon of clean drinking water per person per day. If you live in a hot climate, up that to two gallons. This is just for cooking and drinking, not washing. You can’t have too much water.
7. Water purification system/supplies – There’s no way that you can store enough water for your family. A family of four needs a minimum of 120 gallons of water per month, just for drinking and cooking. You’ll need five times that much for washing, if you are extremely frugal with it. Be sure you have ample means of water purification, with a backup.
8. Heirloom seeds – In the case of a prolonged recovery period from a disaster, your food stockpile may not be enough. Heirloom seeds are the old kinds of seeds, before GMOs came about. They are totally natural, excellent sources of nutrition and produce seeds to perpetuate your garden.
9. Gardening equipment – Having a stockpile of seeds isn’t going to do much good if you don’t have the means to use them. Be sure you have the tools and the knowhow to turn those seeds into food bearing pants.
10. Oil lamps and candles – With the electricity out, you are going to have to revert to lighting your home in the old-fashioned way. Don’t just depend upon flashlights (although you should have them), as your battery supply is finite. Candles and oil lamps store well, are inexpensive and provide adequate light.
11. First aid kit and common medicines – Medical services are usually overloaded in the aftermath of any disaster. This won’t be the time to go to the doctor because the kids have the sniffles. Not only would you have to wait for hours, but you might have trouble getting there. Being able to treat injuries and minor ailments at home can be a lifesaver.
12. Tools – Many disasters cause damage to homes. You may have to do extensive repairs to your home. Be sure you have what you need.
13. Cleaning supplies – Many types of disasters bring general destruction, including making a mess of your home. If you are going to try and live in it, cleaning it up will be important; not only for comfort, but for health.
14. Home repair materials – If you have to make some basic repairs, it’s a good idea to have the materials on hand to do them with. You’d be amazed by what you can do with a few sheets of plywood and some tarps.
15. Personal hygiene items – Keeping yourself clean is another important part of maintaining your health. With the shortage of water that you’ll probably encounter, that’s going to be extra challenging. Soap, shampoo, toothpaste and toilet paper will be worth their weight in gold. Be sure to stock up on anti-bacterial hand cleaner as well, the kind where you don’t have to use water.
16. Barter goods – In addition to the supplies your family will need, it’s a good idea to have a stock of goods just to barter with others.
17. Firearms and ammunition – Unfortunately, social disorder attends many disasters. Looting, vandalism and general violence are common. You may have to protect your home and family. Don’t just buy guns, become proficient in their use.
I realize that this list covers a lot of ground, and it will be hard to gather all of this stuff, as well as gather the food you’ll need. Don’t expect to do it all in one week, or even one year. The point is to start on the journey. Every step you take brings you one step closer to being self-sufficient. Many people take years to build their stockpile to the point they want, build their alternate power supply, drill a well and learn new skills. This is an investment in your family’s future; as such, it takes time.
Don’t just stockpile the food and supplies either; learn how to use them. You should test everything you have and become proficient in its use. If you have an alternate method of cooking, try cooking that way. Better to make mistakes and learn before a disaster hits than to wait until it’s too late.

Does Your Dog Do THIS With You? The Answer Reveals Something Amazing!

Elyse Wanshel

I have always fantasized about having the same powers as Doctor Dolittle — mostly because knowing exactly what animals are thinking and feeling would be some really valuable information to have.

 For instance, why does my dog bark at the vacuum cleaner or hide in a corner whenever the lightest bit of rain starts to fall? I don’t think I’ll ever know the answers to those questions, but thanks to new developments in the science of dog communication, I now know whether or not my dog loves me.

 Much like studies that have found that dogs have certain “powers” or enhanced physical senses, scientists have also uncovered that because dogs and humans have been so deeply intertwined through history, dogs have developed unique ways to expressing their love for humans. The signs are very subtle and they’re not always obvious, but as we break down in this exclusive, all you need to know are the tiny signs that prove your dog’s love for you…

 The secret ways your dogs says, “I Love You” is a ‘ranked list’.

1. Freaking out when you return.

We all feel special when we come home and we’re greeted by our dog with his tail wagging, a favorite toy in tow, and he’s jumping all over the place like a crazy kangaroo.

And it’s a good thing we like it, because it’s a very distinctive way a dog shows you his love for you — and it’s love in its truest form.

2. Staring directly into your eyes.

On a 60 Minutes segment, Anderson Cooper met with Brian Hare, a well-known dog expert, to discuss how dogs express love. According to Hare, when your dog looks you in the eye, he is “hugging you with his eyes.”
When a dog looks at you while the two of you are playing with one another or just cuddling, oxytocin is released. It’s the same hormone that helps new mothers bond with their babies. If you want to test this out with your dog, don’t go home and a have a staring contest with your pooch. He will sense something is off, and look away because he feels awkward.
Instead, try to naturally maintain eye contact with him during your normal routines and see how he responds.

3. Sleeping in your room.

Another way to figure out whether your dog loves you is observing where he likes to sleep.

It’s part of a big controversy, but if your dog wants to sleep in your bed — even if you don’t allow it — he definitely loves you.
According to Gregory Berns, if a dog wants to sleep on your bed, it’s a good test of his loyalty because he doesn’t want to be separated from the pack.

4. Leaning on you.

The song “Lean on Me” is all about offering support and dogs crave that same kind of security.

Sometimes a dog will lean on a human because he is anxious, wants you to do something, or take him somewhere. But leaning is also a symbol of affection.
Even if your dog is leaning on you out of pure nervousness, he is still doing it because he thinks of you as someone who can protect him and keep him safe.

5. Enjoying your love.

Do you love your dog? According to Gregory Berns, dogs can actually innately sense whether or not you love them.

So if you don’t love them, you’re not getting it back in return!
How does your beloved pup most often show you their love? Let us know in the comments below!

6. Watching you leave calmly.

Some people think that if a dog panics when they leave that it’s a sign that they love them.

That’s not necessarily true, according to Gregory Berns.
If your dog panics when you leave, it’s more of a sign that they have separation anxiety than that they love you.
If a dog goes into his crate or is accepting of you leaving, i.e. they’re calm when you leave, it means your dog loves and trusts you and is confident that you will return.

7. Cuddling with you after a meal.

In his book, How Dogs Love Us, Gregory Berns, if your dog cuddles with your after eating, it’s a strong sign that they do indeed love you.

Most dogs lovers (or even people who don’t like dogs) know that pups are motivated by food. But according to Berns, once a dog eats all its food, his next action can signify what’s most important to him besides eating.
Sometimes your dog may have to do his “business” right after a meal, but watch how he reacts in the morning and at night. If he’s snuggling up with you after one of these meals, then there’s some definite puppy love on his end.

8. Bringing you his favorite toy.

If your pup brings you his favorite, most coveted toy, it doesn’t just mean your dog wants to play.

Although wanting to play with you is a sign of affection in itself, when your dog brings you his favorite ball, it may also mean he thinks of you as his pack leader.
Because of this, he wants to please you by offering you his finest possession, be it a squeaky toy or well-worn Frisbee. He thinks you’ll like it as much as he does, and as they say: “sharing is caring!”

9. Lifting and wiggling eyebrows.

We think we can read a dog by its tail, but its facial expressions are a way more powerful indicator.

In a recent study in Japan, dogs were introduced to their parent, a stranger, a dog toy, and an item they didn’t like.
When seeing their parent, the dogs immediately lifted their eyebrows (especially their left), and when they saw a stranger there was a lot less facial movement, except for movement of the right brow.
Yet, when they saw an item they knew and had bonded with, the dogs shifted their left ear back. But if it was an item they didn’t like, their right ear shifted. According to the study, this suggests the dog is more reserved when they are engaging someone they don’t know or something they disapprove of.

10. Yawning when you yawn.

Yawning is contagious. But did you know this impulse isn’t limited to just humans?

Dogs, because they’ve been bred to read humans, also yawn when someone they love yawns.
A study found that when humans echo another’s yawn, it’s because they’re empathetic, like sympathy pains. It’s impossible to measure if dogs are empathetic, but it’s possible that a dog yawning the same time as a human happens because the dog has bonded with that person.
The study also found that dogs were more likely to yawn when their owners yawned, as opposed to a stranger.

I’m a veteran, and I hate ‘Happy Memorial Day.’ Here’s why.

Checkpoint

By Jennie Haskamp May 22

Soldiers from the U.S. Army’s 3rd Infantry Regiment, the Old Guard, places flags at more than 224,000 headstones at Arlington National Cemetery on Thursday in preparation for Memorial Day. (Photo by Spec. Steven Hitchcock/ U.S. Army)

I have friends buried in a small corner of a rolling green field just down the road from the Pentagon. They’re permanently assigned to Section 60. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it’s 14 acres in the southeast corner of Arlington National Cemetery that serves as a burial ground for many military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. There are fresh graves there.

I spent my formative years in combat boots and all of my friends are in the military, were in the military, or married into the military. I have several friends buried at Arlington, and know of dozens more men and women interred in that hallowed ground.

Section 60 is a place I visit often. 

I toyed with the idea of making the trip south from New York City this weekend to spend some time, reflect and sit quietly but decided against it. Some friend, huh?

Wednesday night, sitting in a pizza joint in the Bronx, watching the world go by, I was upset and couldn’t put my finger on why.

A friend said “Hey! Do you want to go to Fleet Week? It’s this weekend here in the city.”

What? No? Absolutely not. I don’t want to be in the midst of tens of thousands of people clamoring for a chance to look at a static display of Marine Corps and Navy equipment. I don’t want to see Marines and sailors dressed up, paraded around for community relations and recruiting purposes. I don’t want to watch any parades.

As I said it (barked it, really), my friend’s eyes widened and I recognized the frustration in my tone. I didn’t know why I was upset, at first. I paused, and while I was sitting there contemplating my outburst, I heard a commercial on the radio screaming through the tinny speakers.

Wilted flowers and paper name placards indicate recent funerals at Arlington National Cemetery. (Photo by Jennie Haskamp)

“Beaches, beats and BBQs!” it said. “We’re your Memorial Day station with everything you need to kick off the summer in style!”

That’s when it hit me. I’m angry. I’ve come to realize people think Memorial Day is the official start of summer. It’s grilled meat, super-duper discounts, a day (or two) off work, beer, potato salad and porches draped in bunting.

But it shouldn’t be. It’s more than that.

Nearly 150 years ago, Memorial Day— first called Decoration Day— was set aside to decorate the graves of the men who’d recently died in battle. America was still reeling from the Civil War when Gen. John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, issued a proclamation in 1868, according to a PBS account of his decision.  “The 30th of May,” he declared, “would be an occasion to honor those who died in the conflict.”

He chose the date because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

Here’s how it was outlined in General Orders No. 11, Washington, D.C., May 5, 1868:

The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet church-yard in the land. In this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed, but posts and comrades will in their own way arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.

How is it then, some century and a half later, after more than a decade of war in two countries that claimed the lives of some 6,861 Americans, we are collectively more concerned with having a barbecue and going shopping than pausing to appreciate the cost of our freedom to do so?

A friend reminded me that plenty of people use the weekend the way it was designed: to pause and remember the men and women who paid the price of our freedom, and then go on about enjoying those freedoms.

A U.S. soldier walks on a path through the Massachusetts Military Heroes Fund flag garden on Boston Common in Boston on Thursday, ahead of Memorial Day. Each of the approximately 37,000 flags represents a Massachusetts service member who has died. (AP Photo/Michael Dwyer)

But I argue not enough people use it that way. Not enough people pause. Not enough people remember.

I’m frustrated by people all over the country who view the day as anything but a day to remember our WAR DEAD. I hate hearing “Happy Memorial Day.”

It’s not Veterans Day. It’s not military appreciation day. Don’t thank me for my service. Please don’t thank me for my service. It’s take the time to pay homage to the men and women who died while wearing the cloth of this nation you’re so freely enjoying today, day.

I’ve attended more than 75 funerals and memorial services since September 11th, 2001. Services for men and women I knew personally, or knew of before they died. Men and women who were friends of my friends. People who’d eaten dinner at my house. Husbands of my friends. Sons of my friends. Brothers of my friends. Sisters of my friends.]

Men who served with my friends. Men who died with my friends. Men who were my friends.

I realize I’m not alone in this crowd, but for a decade my every day included reading reports about men and women killed or wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan and managing how the media reported or didn’t report, as time went on, the circumstances.

I share their names and talk about their lives and their deaths because if we don’t remember, we’ll forget. If we don’t share, they’ll be lost:

Gannon, Fontecchio, Winchester, Rowe, Clay, Best, May, Torres, Gibson, Valdez, Dunham, Nice, Funk, Fitzgerald, Galvez, Newman, Kenyon, Williams, Baucas, Butterfield, Hanson, Watson, Stevenson, Stahlman, Holmason, Modeen, McClung, McElveen, Martinez, Kaiser, Huhn, Bedard, Escobar, Spears, Figueroa, MartinezFlores, O’Day, Graczyk Love…

I’ve visited their graves at Arlington, in Florida, California, Texas, Louisiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, Utah, Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland— and I owe a visit to a grave in Maine.

I had the privilege of escorting my friend Gunnery Sgt. Elia Fontecchio home for burial in August 2004. That assignment, escort duty, remains one of the single most honorable things of which I’ve ever been a part. It was certainly the hardest. There’s no script for the moment the flight crew announces you’re escorting precious cargo and should be allowed to leave the plane first. No brief prepares you to meet the tidal wave of grief and anger from parents or a wife or siblings. No PowerPoint slides teach you how to stash your own emotions while you stand firm and comfort the survivors.

So yeah. I’m frustrated by Memorial Day. And I’m angry about apathy.

I want to see people besides the small percentage of us who are veterans, know veterans, love veterans or lost veterans, understand what the day is about. It’s the one day on the American calendar meant to exemplify what it costs to be American and to be free… and we’ve turned it into a day off work, a tent sale and a keg of beer.

I’m not going to Arlington this weekend. Instead I’ll spend time on the phone with friends whose lives were changed as a result of someone’s personal sacrifice.  We’ll talk, laugh, share stories, say their names and we’ll remember. I’ll surround myself with those who lived and we’ll raise a glass in honor of those who died.

We’ve all heard, “Freedom isn’t free.”

Since 1776, it’s actually cost us more than 1.3 million lives.

I hope you enjoy your weekend — but I hope you pause to remember, too.

Jennie Haskamp is a Marine Corps veteran who continued to work for the Corps as a civilian after leaving active duty in 2006 because her friends were still deploying to Iraq and Afghanistan.